i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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