please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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