I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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