Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize