Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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