where am i from again
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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