I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
