At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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