This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You smell like stripper and shame
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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