If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
