Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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