Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
