Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
