don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
How does one acquire holy water?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
