dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
