I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Nicole vs. Life
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
