So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
