we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
