So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
