That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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