On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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