GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We are two peas in an std pod
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
