Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
