Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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