My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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