The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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