Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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