We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
