im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
