I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
