His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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