I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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