hotel room ftw
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
