So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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