I puked a lego.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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