therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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