she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
