Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize