Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
