went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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