Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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