They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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