a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
