I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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