Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
