last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
