my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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