you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
