remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
