I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
