The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
