hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize