Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
