I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize