I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
