Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
