like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
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