You can't special order awesome
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
