So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
