i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
