Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
