I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize