There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
