If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
