By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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