Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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