You can't motorboat a personality
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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