I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
