How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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