I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
