There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
