I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
