Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
