Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
