i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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