Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
