I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
