But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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