I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize