everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
