im having a threesome with these popsicles
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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