Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
