I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
