I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
