yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
